The Epic Battle For My Soul

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The Epic Battle For My Soul

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Humanity is under attack. Well, I am with all of you, I am in the same boat. I use this incredible tension and attacks upon me to create the crystalization within my heart. It connects me to the source of all Love. I feel it within. The last few days have been so incredibly difficult but the alchemy in my soul is happening. Sometimes I think I want to avoid it, separate from it. But, I can’t. I have to stay with it, like a nurse sitting by a sick patient, a mother sitting at the bedside of her sick child. I truly love so I have to back up that love with action. It’s not easy, but it is simple. It is horrific at times, heartbreaking at times. Oh my god! There are moments when I feel like my heart will break in two! This is transmutation! I see the result every time I stick with it! Don’t abandon the patient! The sick person is you, is me, is this humankind! We deserve the convalesence, we deserve the attention to our wounds and traumas. It’s the only way to heal those wounds, those horrors! They are horrors indeed! The battle is within.

The other day I was so broken…my mind was imploding and I was talking on the phone with a friend, trying to pretend I wasn’t dying inside. At one point she said something that triggered me, I don’t remember what she said but all of a sudden the facade became impossible to maintain and I started to cry and relate to her the unspeakable misery I was feeling, the memories of injustices done to me and the attempted re-orientation of my very being that has been perpetrated on my person from a small child. I was able to voice what details I could remember and she was able to hear me out, however uncomfortable it made her. As I was screaming I walked outside and saw what looked like a galactic battle in the sky, in the clouds in the East, a huge light and thunder, red clouds mingled within black and gray clouds with brilliant golden flashes of light behind it, regardless of the absolutely otherwise clear sky and the sunset on the opposite horizon. I took a picture of it, I knew it was a manifestation, if you will, of what was happening inside me…it couldn’t be anything else. As I was melting down within, I saw this battle in the sky and I cried out! After I got it all out of my system, about an hour later, it was dark and the stars were brilliant, there was no sign of any clouds or storm. I felt I had removed that tragedy from the planet, the tragedy of what they did to me was removed from inside me also, same thing, me=planet.

Then, last night, I had a dream about a family member who was suffering and I went to them and felt a glow, it was overpowering and I started to wake up, but I didn’t want to open my eyes because the love I felt was so warm and peaceful, it was a love that is like no earthly power I have ever known about. It was a love that has no match, no evil can diminish, nothing could defeat or lessen this love. I knew. It is here, it is inside, it is the portal and it is able to heal us all. We all have this, I am certain. I am no different than anyone else who has a desire to see humankind restored. It was midnight and I ran outside…I don’t know why. I came into the house and I started writing and within a few minutes I had written 3 pages of notes. I saw a great placid sea in front of me, I was floating, swimming in this sea, it was a great sea, it was infinite and it was gratitude. I was swimming in the Sea of Gratitude. I didn’t even feel like crying, I couldn’t stop smiling! I just felt such gratitude for life and this love! That was last night and I still feel it. Maybe others feel this or have. I don’t know, but I hope so because that sea is all around us.

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