Category Archives: Cancer Midheaven MC

Angels Among Us Indeed

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Angels Among Us Indeed

Back in January 2017 I migrated to North Texas from the lowest regions of the state. It was a moment in time where I was at a crossroads of adult proportions, building the foundations for the next portion of my life. I have left behind another person, an immature version of myself whose behavior upon recollection, brings me horror. I don’t needlessly look back unless whatever was back there has threads of existence dogging me now. That’s how I know there’s more attrition that will take place. They say “forewarned is forearmed”. I’m not armed. Really all that means is I remain flexible in ways that count, to bend not break, be open to suggestions, integrate not separate, surrender. Attrition is defined as rubbing something off of a surface, or shedding extraneous casings, husk, if you will. It is also a military tactic where you defeat the flanks, wear them out until they give up. I prefer the rubbing version. It works for me. I also imagine seaweed draped across my arms and legs as I ascend from the ocean waves and I flick them off as I get to the sand, or just let them drop. Joy by attrition. (I have repeated this phrase in many articles here).

The Cancer Full Moon was still glowing silver rays when the next day I had let supreme hurts that I felt inside, rage in my world such that I couldn’t bear to be around anyone. I knew I was a porcupine and anyone who I spoke to was going to get it. So, I passed up on an important family function. I was distraught, not angry. I was afflicted with wounds, the mothers’ kind, the kind where her heart is full of sorrow for knowledge of separation from her child. It was very primal and I knew it was important, too. I was doing floor exercises for MFR (#jfbmfr) and my root and sacral chakras were so damaged from years of not being gentle with myself. This stuff wants to heal. It’s not pleasant at times but you know, the only way out is through. #joybyattrition Patience is key. Patience proves lovingness. Truly.

I cried all morning and finally fell asleep until late afternoon. At 5:30pm I suddenly woke up and looked up a community ad for rideshares in Austin. Austin is a happening city and you just never know. I decided I must find a ride up North. I have to be there at that gathering and I regretted my stubbornness. I really don’t let my mind derail me when impulses speak to me, like the one that gripped me at that moment. I emailed a few ads and got a response from one of them. I found a ride. He was turning around and coming 45 minutes in the other direction to pick me up. It was a large pickup truck hauling a small trailer. Halfway to the Oklahoma border, we drove right through the middle of Waco. They had built a huge stadium next to the freeway and used green colored lights. It was foggy…my ride and I are conversing. Hours and hours we talked and this sweet youngish guy was such an angel. I even said that to him at that point, as we are going over the bridge in Waco and the fog made the green lighting on the stadium light up the entire night sky in front of our eyes. It was like the Jetson’s (look it up). Another world in the ethers. He said “it’s funny you should say that because…well…I am an angel.” Okay, well, that was cool. I can handle that.

The ride seemed like a few minutes, not several hours and was successful. Since then, my climb out of the cave into the light has been an adventure I can’t describe. But I knew that is what I was doing and it was just okay. I called him a week later, but no more after that. I got texts from him occasionally in the winter but I had not even thought of him until today. Why? Well, because I have a new friend whose name is Angel and I had texted her. She didn’t respond so I talked to her and asked her if she got my texts. No. Oh. Huh? So, I called the number and asked if I could speak to Angel. Wrong number. Ok, now I am confused. OHHH. I got it mixed up. That “Angel” was the guy who had given me a ride in January when I was breaking through. I didn’t want to forget who he was so I programmed him in my phone as my angel but I forgot his name. I thought, “Oh, I should call him and let him know I am doing well and thanks for everything.” So, I called back. A young woman answers and is so kind and understanding but has no idea who I am referring to. I finally said, “That’s fine. Have a good night, sorry to bother you.”

I hung up…what’s this? I know people change their phone numbers a lot and maybe it was a wrong number but he may have just been an angel, for real and isn’t in this timeline now. Where ever you are, Angel, thanks for the ride, it really did help.

 

*check out my youtube channel for I Ching Readings and music. https://www.youtube.com/c/musicalchemy

 

 

Gaslighting Courtesy of Zen Gardner

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image from polyweekly.com

The following video was so difficult to watch but I am trying to lend some humanity to the public lynching of Zen Gardner. It’s got to stop. So, everyone; TO YOUR CORNERS! BE AUTHENTIC NOT AGGRESSIVE. I am sad to witness this. The reason for the difficulty for me is because it’s awkward and painful to see someone who has guided me in his writings, to have Zen called to the carpet like this. I do not know his astrology but I feel that the sign of Libra is in play here for several reasons. One is if he has Libra that means Zen has his 10th house, also called the Midheaven in the sign of Cancer. To me the Cancer Midheaven is saying; “The higher they climb the harder they fall”. This is the vulnerability of Cancer MC because that means he has a Capricorn IC. Capricorn IC is sad, too, because it means he was not supplied with the necessary emotional love from his family of origin. Cancer Midheaven by Alyssa Sharpe. As Alyssa describes, a Cancer MC has so much psychic energy and memory, they are keen to feel what people think of their public posts and persona. Because they have such vulnerability, they are targets for getting emotionally attacked by public opinion. Not all Cancer MC’s will fall publicly, she points out, but obviously, Zen is going through this.

About the Cult Participation of much of our generation: I was in a cult and got married in it, had children. I guess what worked in my favor was the abuse toward me after the children were born made me squirm big time. I did everything I could to rock the boat but eventually it capsized and I drowned in emotional and personal suffering for many years. I wanted to succeed to the height that Zen has, he is older than I, but even so, I did want that. I wanted that success but it eluded me and I am now, after 19 years, finally seeing the Ascendant Capricorn sun rise in my life, Saturn has been patient with me, as he is known to be and I’m not underground anymore. I am infused with the strength of Saturn and now have a beautiful future to look forward to. It has been an incredibly bumpy ride!

No one in their human mind would condemn Zen for his journey or for his disclosure. I do not believe anyone does. I know I do not. If I could see his astrological chart I would know better, but suffice to say, this personal life event he is experiencing right now is eclipsing his initial life goals that he was riding the successful manifestation of for some time. So, I feel there is a Libra sun sign, but a Gemini Ascendant because Gemini’s can be duplicitous, in other words, it would be easier to lie than to say your truth if that particular truth is unpopular.  Ruled by Mercury, Gemini’s are fastidious talkers but also can lie or speak occluded with ease because of the pathology of what the negative manifestation of Gemini can be. With astrology, you have to learn the negatives and positives of your chart to compensate for, literally, the wobble. We all know Earth’s balance is off by 23 degrees. That is why, I am convinced, we need to study our natal charts because our planet is off balance, hence we are off balance too.

If you study your chart and the transits, there will be a portal opening at some auspicious time to enable you to tell the truth, particularly an uncomfortable one that will bring the tension necessary to raise your frequency.  One always comes, say, when Pluto is trine to Gemini or your third house. You must do it boldly and earnestly because once the transit passes, whichever one it is, then it will be another entire orbit, potentially years, before you can get another chance when the planet comes back around. You wouldn’t even know how to access these energies if you don’t follow your own astrology.

The guilt of being in the cult he has worked so hard to compensate for that and it’s valid! He has helped many millions I imagine. But, the fact that he was forced to disclose his participation in the Family, and did not tell his audience about that fact in his initial “Missing Years” post makes him look guilty! He must have known that any facts related to his disclosure would be vetted out in public. Is he guilty of being duped by professional manipulators? NO, only if we all carry that same guilt. As we become aware of these manipulations and detach ourselves from them, we remove our guilt and work to clear our connections. My only point here is what he is guilty of is simply not trusting his audience, his readers, to be able to handle the REAL TRUTH right up front.  As I was listening to the video, I wished I was hearing more of that.  It’s only lack of knowledge. I support his journey, however that may be, just like I support all humankind to evolve naturally. Had he come clean right out of the gate, he would have disarmed many people who are lynching him now. He did not. He might have had a lack of courage to do that. He may have been shortsighted about the reaction. He may have been thinking more of how he could “Gemini” his way out of it. Regardless of the reason, he was not forthcoming with his reasons for bringing it up even with people who are devoted to him. Whether anyone sees this or not, well…that’s why they call it the “elephant in the living room”. It’s big, but easy to miss if it matches the wallpaper.